My struggle with weight loss.

If anyone knows me, I have always been chubby but never fat. Before I got pregnant, I was 183 lbs at 5'2. Looking back now, if I was that weight right now I would feel skinny as hell. I am currently over 215lbs and the biggest I have ever been in my life. I don't fit into any clothes that I ever try on, all I can wear are sweat pants. My stomach sits all awkwardly, my thighs jiggle and I feel disgusting. I am determined to be my old self. I want to be 180lbs again. I need to lose this weight. I just added the "my fitness pal" app, I am going to track my food, eat healthier, drink more water, exercise more... I need to do this, not only for myself but for my little family.

If anyone has any tips for me, please please share them.

What a day!

This month has been the most hectic month I have ever had in my whole life. I am hoping to unwind on New Year's Eve... Please. Ryan is working all night - yay... Haha not.
I've been really off lately though, all this stress has completely stolen my Energy and I'm thinking that I may have to go to the doctors and be put on a new anti depressant. I was taking cipralex but it wasn't helping what so ever so I stoppe taking it and now over the past few months I have felt so overwhelmed. All I want to do is sleep or eat and it's really catching up to me, especially with having a child.
I have this whole vision of this supermom that I want to be, but something is holding me back from it. I'm sure my depression has to do with my weight but I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. I am honestly starting to feel like a lost cause. I'm struggling with it a lot. I miss the upbeat, positive, energetic girl that I used to be. I want that girl back.

Fail @ blogging

I am the biggest blogger fail, but i just don't know what to write about! Life is stressful right now, it's really really really hard and I have absolutely hated this month but hopefully everything will be done and over with before New Year's Eve. It seems to be one thing after another, but hopefully it's done...
I am so fed up with people lately, but I have no choice but to deal with it lol. Anyway, Tyler is growing up so fast!! He is officially 18 months old today and I have no idea where the time has gone. He's running, jumping, talking, giving kisses. It's unbelievable how much he has grown...
Ryan and I have been talking about having more children but I am soo in love with Tyler that sometimes I don't feel it would be mentally possible for me to have another child. We have also talked about fostering children before even thought that would be a long time down the road but its something Ryan is really interested in, mainly because he was a foster child before and wants to use his experience. To help other children. - I am still wanting to go to school for social work, I just need the upgraded English & volunteer hours. It's something I have to work for but I really also want to be a SAHM but I know it's not financially sound for us, even though we survived this month somehow. Ryan has been applying at more jobs to supplement his one job at the liquor store and he has decided if one of the serious jobs he applied for doesn't work out then he may look into trade work because he doesn't want us to have to worry anymore. I would love to have a stable income, so we could buy a house so hopefully that time will come because I don't want to be renting forever.. That all I can think about for now.

Pizza Casserole!

So, I found a recipe for Pizza Casserole on Pinterest that led me to this: http://formamas.blogspot.ca/2011/08/pizza-casserole.html

Here's how it turned out :)


Start a pot of water boiling and add Egg Noodles

                                                 Put a thin layer of Sauce in your casserole dish

                                                     Here's my boiling water ;)

                                                     Fry up 1 1/2 lbs of ground beef

                                           I didn't take pictures but I did "sauce, noodles, meat, noodles, sauce, cheese, meat, cheese, pepperoni.

                                                                  Finished !! After baking in the oven at 300 for 30 mins.

Try it out :)




Also, I know I haven't been blogging much but I will start up again soon!

:(

I'm so confused now, and I don't know what to do. One big fight (our first one) and our relationship feels like it's at its breaking point. I feel absolutely heartbroken, but I really don't know what to do. It seems like this has been building up for quite some time, which sucks. :( Anyway, we had a huge falling out over something so dumb. Basically, I'm tired. Obviously. I'm not a super-mom, though I wish I could be. Usually, at night if Tyler wakes up for a bottle, I wake R up to go make the bottle while I console T. R, doesn't want me to wake him up because he has to work but I don't think it's fair to just let him cry while I make a bottle, and if I pick him up out of bed then he will wake up and be up for hours because he is a little party baby. This is what started one argument, the second argument is because I chase after T all day long while R is at work, and when he gets home from work, I go on the laptop or am just sitting down and I ask him to stop T from what he is doing because I am tired. I chased after him all day long, so why can't R now? Yes, I understand that he is tired from work but this is a full-time job for both of us. We are supposed to do this together. R doesn't think it's fair to him that he should have to work all day, and then come home and chase after T when he just wants to sit down. I get that he is tired, but when am I ever supposed to get a break? I don't have time to do anything for myself, I don't get any alone time and by the time Tyler is in bed I am so tired that I'm ready for bed. I try to keep the house clean, I try to have dinner made, I try to keep the laundry done but I really am starting to feel that I am just not cut out for this. I wish I could be this super mom, I wish I could cook and clean and watch T, and do laundry and relax all at the same time. I want to have dinner done, dishes done, clean house, everything so I can finally get a chance to sit down but the truth is, that's not gonna happen. I am writing this right now, because Tyler is down for a nap and I chose to do this instead of clean. I don't even get naptime to myself because I am either, cleaning or feeding myself or something. R, he doesn't see this point of view. I don't know what he sees it from, since we haven't talked since last night. I don't know what he wants to do. I know what I want, and that's to be the best mom I can be to Tyler, since it's not fair to him if I don't give him all the attention he needs. R, on the other hand, seems like he is starting to look at parenting T like it's a job, which isn't true at all.

if anyone has some words of advice for me, please comment. i'm really stuck here. :(

I just don't know!

As everyone knows, I've missed my period. 5 tests down, and still negative. I didn't take a single test until 1 1/2 weeks after my period was supposed to come, and like once a week since then. I am ASSUMING I would have got a positive pregnancy test by now, especially since when I found out I was pregnant with Tyler, I tested on day 5 of my missed period and a positive result showed. For the past few months though, (as noted in previous entries) I've been feeling all around BLAH! I'm tired all the time, not overly happy, and stressing a lot! I'm hoping that my missed period has to do with all of this. I've been googling my symptoms (bad, I know!) and a lot of stuff keeps popping up about hyperthyroidism. Here's a list of symptoms of this condition. 

• You may feel nervous, moody, weak, or tired.
• Your hands may shake, your heart may beat fast, or you may have problems breathing.
• You may be sweaty or have warm, red, itchy skin.
• You may have more bowel movements than usual.
• You may have fine, soft hair that is falling out.
• You may lose weight even though you eat the same or more than usual.
  
  So, I am moddy, weak and tired pretty much all the time! I have just noticed shakiness of my hands, and every time I check my pulse over the last few months its between 110-116. I am very hot all the time, and TMI TMI TMI  I am having more bowel movements then I have EVER had, ahah. I feel like I'm shedding, and my hair seems more brittle then before. Another sign of any thyroid issues is a lighter, or even missed period so I don't know! I hope no one is thinking that I am over thinking this, and I'm really hoping a doctor will listen to my concerns. I am REALLY nervous to go to the doctors tomorrow, but I know it is what is best for me and my family.
  Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should say to the doctor? I am going to write it all down because I get really really really nervous around doctors!
  
  Thank you guys, :) 

Another update !

Hey alll! January is almost over, thank god! It's been an okay month though, but it got COLD for awhile! Everything is going pretty good besides being broke as always. Time is going by super quick since Tyler was born, I mean it feels like just yesterday that I was going into the hospital for a check-up! Ever since he has turned 6 months he has hit so many milestones; he is crawling, sitting up, eating food, his tooth is almost all the way through! I really don't know where the time has gone but I am so glad that I get to share it with Ryan. He truly is the love of my life, and I could not live without him! It's hard to believe where our relationship has gone and if I was back to 1 week before I met Ryan and someone would tell me that in January of 2012 we would have an almost 7 month baby, and our own apartment along with everything else we have accomplished I would not believe them one bit. I have grown up so much since meeting Ryan, and I've become such a better person. I am so happy with my life right now, and I cannot wait until we get everything settled down.
As for me, I am STILL waiting for my period and I am awaiting the day when this months is supposed to come to see if it does! I have taken 5 HPT and they have all come back negative. I haven't seen the doctor yet because I'm absolutely terrified and because of how cold it's been! (-45's BRR!) but, next week I will be going! (Yes, I'm aware I've said that before, but this time I'm serious!) I really hope that I am not pregnant, but if I am I will deal with it! I wasn't taking birth control but we ALWAYS used a condom so if I am, I will consider the baby a blessing. There is just one thing bothering me about if I'm pregnant or not, and I've been dying to write an entry about this so I can get advice from other mama's. I am not concerned about what people will think, or how I will afford everything. I am most concerned about how you love 2 very young children! All of my attention right now goes into Tyler, and if I was pregnant then the new baby would come when Tyler is just over a year old. He would still need so much attention, plus a new baby would need so much attention and I am just worried that I wouldn't be able to do it. If anyone has any advice or opinions on this please let me know because that is what it really concerning me.  I sware, I have felt my heart breaking over this situation!

Anyway, Ryan is hounding me for the laptop so that is all for now!
xo, Amanda!

Updates!

As I mentioned before, I am still  waiting for my period to come. I've taken 3 pregnancy tests and they have all come back negative so I will be going to the doctor next week to find out what the heck is going on! I'm still as completely drained as I have ever been and still lacking in motivation to do literally anything. I'm probably also going to talk to the doctor about depression because I am rarely ever happy anymore. I'm happy if I'm surrounded by people, but there's nothing I can do about not being happy when I'm by myself because I can't be around people 24-7. Mostly all the girls in my family (Grandma, Aunts, Mother) take anti-depressants because depression runs in our family so hopefully the doctor and I can figure something out. Once the doctor gets to the bottom of my missing period I am also going to be starting birth control because I am so tired of worrying that my period isn't going to come! I'm hoping that I will be applying for a job in the next week or so because it would bring some extra money to our household and probably make me feel a bit better about myself. There is a Tim Hortons right next to my apartment that is hiring so I will be looking into applying there, for either nights or graveyard that way I can still be with Tyler! Tyler's appointment with the optometrist went really well and he doesn't see any issues right now but he let us know that if Tyler's pediatrician still thinks there is something wrong then to send him back and he will check his eyes again. Ooh, we also just got Tyler a crib off of kijiji for 20$. It's not the fanciest thing but it's a lot better then a playpen so I am happy with that! He is basically crawling now, and his first tooth is about to pop through!!
   Ryan and I are doing pretty well also which I am really happy about. We have been together almost 17 months and are still as happy as we were in the beginning of our relationship. I'm looking forward to our life together. :) Anyway, that's all I can really think about for updates right now but I'll be blogging again soon!

xo

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!

Today I have decided to follow in Danielle's "blogsteps" and make a post dedicated to my NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS! I have a really bad habit of not following through with my resolutions so I figured if I post them on the internet and have people reading this post then later on this year they can say things such as "Hey Amanda, did you ever complete resolution #1?" or things like that! (I'm really not sure if this will work, but hey it's worth a try!) So here goes!

1. QUIT SMOKING!  - This is my ultimate goal for this year for so many reasons! (Healthier, save money, and cleaner and smelling better!)
   
2. EAT HEALTHIER!  - I say this EVERY year and it never ever happens, so I am determined to make it happen because I would LOVE to lose weight, and I would love to be able to be alive for as long as I can so I can chase Tyler (and any future children/grandchildren) around for as long as possible!
   
3. MORE FUN, LESS STRESS! - I am probably one of the most stressed out people you will see, and I really don't have any reasons to be besides my constant worry!
   
4. BE MORE ACTIVE!  - I sit on my ass  butt a lot, and I really need to get up and start doing things. I consistently blame the fact that I live on a 3rd floor apartment with no elevators and I have to carry the car seat, stroller, diaper bag and everything else down the stairs by myself but that excuse certainly won`t be cutting it for much longer!
   
5. GET MY LEARNERS! - I have been saying I will get my learners for like the longest time, and I never have so I am going to get it done by the end of this year no matter what because it will be better for myself, and my family.
   
6. BE NICER!   - Anyone who knows me, knows that I can be the worlds biggest bitch, especially first thing in the morning for no reason at all. I need to work on being nicer, and keeping up with "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
   
7. PAY MORE ATTENTION TO MYSELF!  - I don't pay any attention to myself really anymore, and I never ever buy myself anything I like even though Tyler has everything he needs. I need to treat myself more often, whether its a 45 minute shower or a new top!
   
   
   I can't think of anything else right now, but as I think of more I will probably post them. I will also be posting updates throughout the year of how I am working towards my goals! xo