I'm so confused now, and I don't know what to do. One big fight (our first one) and our relationship feels like it's at its breaking point. I feel absolutely heartbroken, but I really don't know what to do. It seems like this has been building up for quite some time, which sucks. :( Anyway, we had a huge falling out over something so dumb. Basically, I'm tired. Obviously. I'm not a super-mom, though I wish I could be. Usually, at night if Tyler wakes up for a bottle, I wake R up to go make the bottle while I console T. R, doesn't want me to wake him up because he has to work but I don't think it's fair to just let him cry while I make a bottle, and if I pick him up out of bed then he will wake up and be up for hours because he is a little party baby. This is what started one argument, the second argument is because I chase after T all day long while R is at work, and when he gets home from work, I go on the laptop or am just sitting down and I ask him to stop T from what he is doing because I am tired. I chased after him all day long, so why can't R now? Yes, I understand that he is tired from work but this is a full-time job for both of us. We are supposed to do this together. R doesn't think it's fair to him that he should have to work all day, and then come home and chase after T when he just wants to sit down. I get that he is tired, but when am I ever supposed to get a break? I don't have time to do anything for myself, I don't get any alone time and by the time Tyler is in bed I am so tired that I'm ready for bed. I try to keep the house clean, I try to have dinner made, I try to keep the laundry done but I really am starting to feel that I am just not cut out for this. I wish I could be this super mom, I wish I could cook and clean and watch T, and do laundry and relax all at the same time. I want to have dinner done, dishes done, clean house, everything so I can finally get a chance to sit down but the truth is, that's not gonna happen. I am writing this right now, because Tyler is down for a nap and I chose to do this instead of clean. I don't even get naptime to myself because I am either, cleaning or feeding myself or something. R, he doesn't see this point of view. I don't know what he sees it from, since we haven't talked since last night. I don't know what he wants to do. I know what I want, and that's to be the best mom I can be to Tyler, since it's not fair to him if I don't give him all the attention he needs. R, on the other hand, seems like he is starting to look at parenting T like it's a job, which isn't true at all.
if anyone has some words of advice for me, please comment. i'm really stuck here. :(
I wrote this post a while back. Some of it applies to what you're going through so maybe check it out?
ReplyDeletehttp://fortheeasilyamused.blogspot.com/2010/12/magical-three-month-mark.html
It's just my personal opinion, but I think the one who stays home is the one who should be up with the baby. I got up with both of my kids, and I still do when they wake up. Ryan never ever got up with our children in the night time. I let my kids cry until the bottle was ready, it didn't hurt them...it doesn't take that long to get a jug warmed up. When Ryan is home and awake we split the baby duties 50/50. He'll help me out with dishes and laundry sometimes, but I do all of the cooking and deep cleaning and that's fine with me since he takes care of the yard and the garbage. We each change diapers, get the kids dressed, and take care of our children. Ryan is very, very helpful and I have no complaints. This is probably why I'm so forgiving about being on my own throughout the night. So if I were you, I'd tell your R that if he wants you to bitch less about helping in the night, than he had better help you more during the day.
Something else you need to settle for is a clean house. It's okay to be messy if the house is clean. Do your dishes once a day and they won't get piled up. Sweep the floors at the end of the day and that's good too. Do a load of laundry every other day and you'll be fine. Empty the garbage when it gets full. Clean your bathroom and mop your floors once a week. Who cares about anything else? Not me. My house is cluttered full of toys right now and all I care about is that the floor underneath of them isn't filthy. Nobody is perfect! And all of those mothers with immaculate homes and perfectly cooked meals either have a housekeeper, a cook, or they don't spend enough time with their children. I make it a goal to cook 5 GOOD meals a week. Then we get one take out day and one lazy meal day (example: KD). I think that's fair. At the end of the day what really matters is that T went to bed happy.
One things for sure...you guys aren't the first couple to go through this. I think everybody does with their first baby. You two will get through it. One fight won't break you. And as long as there is love, everything else is worth working on.
That's the best advice I can offer you hun.