18 months old...is hell!!

Eek! Tonight's gonna be a toughie on my poor babe. <3 all his bottles have gone bye-bye (lost/bit nipples/etc) and I am not spending anymore money. Currently, Tyler has been using his cup with the straw through out the day! To allow this to be a bit easier on him, I will allow the straw cup to bed. It's only filled with water. In his other sippy (which kind of looks like a coffee cup - "playtex coolster" he will have milk before bed, unless of course it's still frozen solid! His teeth will be brushed & we will be relaxing! After we are done win his bottle successfully, I hope to move on to potty training. He has peed on the potty before, so hopefully this will work!! Another thing we are working on are his temper tantrums. #mygod does he have bad ones!! Kicking, screaming, throwing things, ripping his clothes off ...everything! It's been really tough on me because he loves to take his coat/snow pants/boots&socks off when we go outside. To combat this problem, he has been wearing a sleeper. (When we go our) so this way, when he kicks his boots off his feet are still covered and his arms and chest stay covered should he decide to strip. It's hard. I never thought having an 18 month old would be as hard as it is, but oh my was I wrong!!

If anyone has any tips on weaning from a bottle, potty training or keeping his clothes on please let me know. :) my twitter is
@amandaamcmillan

Sometimes..

Sometimes I really just want to cry. December has been so hard on us, and the fact that it is continuing onto January is not making it any easier. I miss stability, I miss home, I miss my life. This needs to be done and over with, because I can't handle this anymore. I'm a walking disaster. I have a hard time sleeping, I'm eating terrible foods, and I'm drinking like everyday... I'm just feeling like a terrible mother for putting my child through this and we can't even live in our own home. I'm a wreck. We are even behind soo much on our bills now which isn't helping and I've been so stressed that I started smoking again which is just taking more of our money. I can't do this anymore. I'm losing this battle now... And I don't know how to to handle it.

Thank god it's 2013.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic start to 2013 and my best wishes to you guys for this year! :) I am not going to make any New Years resolutions this time, just because I do have a hard time following through with them and all I'm going to do is follow "new year, new me!" I have goals for 2013 which if I do not follow through with, they will pass through to 2014!
My #1 goal being ...yep you guessed it. I want to lose weight.... No no no I don't want to lose weight, I NEED to lose weight. I want to be able to outlast Tyler at the park, I want to not feel like I'm dying after walking up 5 flights of stairs...I just want to be healthy. My goal weight for December 31st 2013 is to be 180lbs (OR LESS) but I'm not pushing for less.

My 2nd goal for 2013 is to have my learners and be on my way to being a fully licensed driver. Getting my license is a big deal and it something I have always wanted but never pushed myself to get because I was young and stupid and didn't feel I needed it since I was fine taking the bus. Now that I have a child, who likes to take his boots and mitts and coat off while its -30 outside a car is a big one for me. I am hoping to have my learners by February 1st, 2013. The reason I am aiming for this date is because in Alberta, you need to have your learners for 1 full year and I think having a car by February/March 2014 is a great idea :)

My last goal, by December 31st 2014 is to be living a more stable life (financially,emotionally, and physically) not only for myself, but for Tyler and Ryan as well. Stability is something I crave for as its not something I had while growing up. It's not something that Ryan had either, but it sure is something we would like Tyler to have. We haven't done a bad job, per say ... But we haven't had the easiest road till now. 2012 brought LOTS of bumps on the road, and I can only hope that 2013 is a lot smoother. :)

Anyway, that is all for right now. I hope you all have a fantastic day :)

xo - Amanda

My struggle with weight loss.

If anyone knows me, I have always been chubby but never fat. Before I got pregnant, I was 183 lbs at 5'2. Looking back now, if I was that weight right now I would feel skinny as hell. I am currently over 215lbs and the biggest I have ever been in my life. I don't fit into any clothes that I ever try on, all I can wear are sweat pants. My stomach sits all awkwardly, my thighs jiggle and I feel disgusting. I am determined to be my old self. I want to be 180lbs again. I need to lose this weight. I just added the "my fitness pal" app, I am going to track my food, eat healthier, drink more water, exercise more... I need to do this, not only for myself but for my little family.

If anyone has any tips for me, please please share them.

What a day!

This month has been the most hectic month I have ever had in my whole life. I am hoping to unwind on New Year's Eve... Please. Ryan is working all night - yay... Haha not.
I've been really off lately though, all this stress has completely stolen my Energy and I'm thinking that I may have to go to the doctors and be put on a new anti depressant. I was taking cipralex but it wasn't helping what so ever so I stoppe taking it and now over the past few months I have felt so overwhelmed. All I want to do is sleep or eat and it's really catching up to me, especially with having a child.
I have this whole vision of this supermom that I want to be, but something is holding me back from it. I'm sure my depression has to do with my weight but I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. I am honestly starting to feel like a lost cause. I'm struggling with it a lot. I miss the upbeat, positive, energetic girl that I used to be. I want that girl back.

Fail @ blogging

I am the biggest blogger fail, but i just don't know what to write about! Life is stressful right now, it's really really really hard and I have absolutely hated this month but hopefully everything will be done and over with before New Year's Eve. It seems to be one thing after another, but hopefully it's done...
I am so fed up with people lately, but I have no choice but to deal with it lol. Anyway, Tyler is growing up so fast!! He is officially 18 months old today and I have no idea where the time has gone. He's running, jumping, talking, giving kisses. It's unbelievable how much he has grown...
Ryan and I have been talking about having more children but I am soo in love with Tyler that sometimes I don't feel it would be mentally possible for me to have another child. We have also talked about fostering children before even thought that would be a long time down the road but its something Ryan is really interested in, mainly because he was a foster child before and wants to use his experience. To help other children. - I am still wanting to go to school for social work, I just need the upgraded English & volunteer hours. It's something I have to work for but I really also want to be a SAHM but I know it's not financially sound for us, even though we survived this month somehow. Ryan has been applying at more jobs to supplement his one job at the liquor store and he has decided if one of the serious jobs he applied for doesn't work out then he may look into trade work because he doesn't want us to have to worry anymore. I would love to have a stable income, so we could buy a house so hopefully that time will come because I don't want to be renting forever.. That all I can think about for now.

Pizza Casserole!

So, I found a recipe for Pizza Casserole on Pinterest that led me to this: http://formamas.blogspot.ca/2011/08/pizza-casserole.html

Here's how it turned out :)


Start a pot of water boiling and add Egg Noodles

                                                 Put a thin layer of Sauce in your casserole dish

                                                     Here's my boiling water ;)

                                                     Fry up 1 1/2 lbs of ground beef

                                           I didn't take pictures but I did "sauce, noodles, meat, noodles, sauce, cheese, meat, cheese, pepperoni.

                                                                  Finished !! After baking in the oven at 300 for 30 mins.

Try it out :)




Also, I know I haven't been blogging much but I will start up again soon!