If anyone knows me, I have always been chubby but never fat. Before I got pregnant, I was 183 lbs at 5'2. Looking back now, if I was that weight right now I would feel skinny as hell. I am currently over 215lbs and the biggest I have ever been in my life. I don't fit into any clothes that I ever try on, all I can wear are sweat pants. My stomach sits all awkwardly, my thighs jiggle and I feel disgusting. I am determined to be my old self. I want to be 180lbs again. I need to lose this weight. I just added the "my fitness pal" app, I am going to track my food, eat healthier, drink more water, exercise more... I need to do this, not only for myself but for my little family.
If anyone has any tips for me, please please share them.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
What a day!
This month has been the most hectic month I have ever had in my whole life. I am hoping to unwind on New Year's Eve... Please. Ryan is working all night - yay... Haha not.
I've been really off lately though, all this stress has completely stolen my Energy and I'm thinking that I may have to go to the doctors and be put on a new anti depressant. I was taking cipralex but it wasn't helping what so ever so I stoppe taking it and now over the past few months I have felt so overwhelmed. All I want to do is sleep or eat and it's really catching up to me, especially with having a child.
I have this whole vision of this supermom that I want to be, but something is holding me back from it. I'm sure my depression has to do with my weight but I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. I am honestly starting to feel like a lost cause. I'm struggling with it a lot. I miss the upbeat, positive, energetic girl that I used to be. I want that girl back.
I've been really off lately though, all this stress has completely stolen my Energy and I'm thinking that I may have to go to the doctors and be put on a new anti depressant. I was taking cipralex but it wasn't helping what so ever so I stoppe taking it and now over the past few months I have felt so overwhelmed. All I want to do is sleep or eat and it's really catching up to me, especially with having a child.
I have this whole vision of this supermom that I want to be, but something is holding me back from it. I'm sure my depression has to do with my weight but I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. I am honestly starting to feel like a lost cause. I'm struggling with it a lot. I miss the upbeat, positive, energetic girl that I used to be. I want that girl back.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Fail @ blogging
I am the biggest blogger fail, but i just don't know what to write about! Life is stressful right now, it's really really really hard and I have absolutely hated this month but hopefully everything will be done and over with before New Year's Eve. It seems to be one thing after another, but hopefully it's done...
I am so fed up with people lately, but I have no choice but to deal with it lol. Anyway, Tyler is growing up so fast!! He is officially 18 months old today and I have no idea where the time has gone. He's running, jumping, talking, giving kisses. It's unbelievable how much he has grown...
Ryan and I have been talking about having more children but I am soo in love with Tyler that sometimes I don't feel it would be mentally possible for me to have another child. We have also talked about fostering children before even thought that would be a long time down the road but its something Ryan is really interested in, mainly because he was a foster child before and wants to use his experience. To help other children. - I am still wanting to go to school for social work, I just need the upgraded English & volunteer hours. It's something I have to work for but I really also want to be a SAHM but I know it's not financially sound for us, even though we survived this month somehow. Ryan has been applying at more jobs to supplement his one job at the liquor store and he has decided if one of the serious jobs he applied for doesn't work out then he may look into trade work because he doesn't want us to have to worry anymore. I would love to have a stable income, so we could buy a house so hopefully that time will come because I don't want to be renting forever.. That all I can think about for now.
I am so fed up with people lately, but I have no choice but to deal with it lol. Anyway, Tyler is growing up so fast!! He is officially 18 months old today and I have no idea where the time has gone. He's running, jumping, talking, giving kisses. It's unbelievable how much he has grown...
Ryan and I have been talking about having more children but I am soo in love with Tyler that sometimes I don't feel it would be mentally possible for me to have another child. We have also talked about fostering children before even thought that would be a long time down the road but its something Ryan is really interested in, mainly because he was a foster child before and wants to use his experience. To help other children. - I am still wanting to go to school for social work, I just need the upgraded English & volunteer hours. It's something I have to work for but I really also want to be a SAHM but I know it's not financially sound for us, even though we survived this month somehow. Ryan has been applying at more jobs to supplement his one job at the liquor store and he has decided if one of the serious jobs he applied for doesn't work out then he may look into trade work because he doesn't want us to have to worry anymore. I would love to have a stable income, so we could buy a house so hopefully that time will come because I don't want to be renting forever.. That all I can think about for now.
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